Things Promised

I have been reading a book called Money Possessions and Eternity by Randy Alcorn for the Antioch Project that I am starting in January but doing my reading for now. 

What is the Antioch Project you ask?? Good questions... I would be asking myself the same thing if I didn't already know. Well the Antioch Project is a five year intentional ministry training program offered by the Hope Global Network for those who believe God is calling them to vocational ministry or key lay leadership roles. One key thing that makes this training different from say going to seminary is that the Antioch Project using not only classroom training but also hands-on, character shaping and leadership skills forming training through personal study, hands-on training in ministry and mentoring/coaching in ministry. 

You should look into it here!!

Back to the book. In chapter 11: The Pilgrim Mentality, he makes such a simple but mind blowing statement about not being at home in this world. "Abraham didn't know where he was going but he knew with whom he was going. He was able to live in this world and not receive the things promised knowing there was an eternity in which promises would be fulfilled and a city awaiting him as far superior to an earthly city as its Architect and Builder is superior to men (page 164)." 

I do not know where my life is going to end up 40 years from now and I have not be promised anything specific from the Lord at this point in my life but I do know just like Abraham that I am on the journey with Jesus. 
When I read those two sentences I immediately thought of getting married someday. What little girl doesn't dream of getting married to her knight in shining armor one day, it is ingrained into us as young girls. Now as I have gotten older I have learned that Prince Charming does not exists outside of Disney and I can not hold on to a promise that has never actually been made to me (I do not know if this is something the Lord is going to grant me) but getting married is a desire of mine and I know that He wants to give us the desires of our heart (Psalms 37:4). The sections that I underlined was the kicker. Am I able to be completely content in this world knowing that marriage, children, etc. might not come BUT someday eternity will fulfill me far more than I ever could have thought??? 

How _______ is that to grasp? The things of this world: getting married, family, friends, love, joy, and the things we accumulate can never satisfy us like eternity with God will one day. Am I living by faith in God and not the things that I have or might have in the future? I want to sit here and be able to write that I would be content and OK in the life if I did not get married and that my desire is just that a desire BUT sadly I think for a long time I have expected that one day I will get married and have a family. I date with the expectation that God will allow one fellow to stick around. I don't think I have ever really thought about the fact that I could NOT get married and be single for the rest of my life.... WOW! What a simple and real revelation!! 

I AM NOT PROMISED A HUSBAND! 
I am promised that God is going to love me and be by my side for the rest of my life and into eternity, how is that not better than a husband! 
I will wait and let God do it for me and if a man is part of "it" than I will be happy not happier but just the same 'ole happy that Jesus makes me everyday!

Just that Name

"When I wake up in the Land of Glory

And with the saints I will tell my story

There will be one Name that I proclaim"

The Only Name by Big Daddy Weave

I am so amazed at God's love for me. Seven months ago I graduated from the University of Oklahoma and thought I would be moving to California at the end of the summer. God has directed my life to a different path and I couldn't be more grateful. I am so happy to say that I am now a Staff Professional at Terracon Consulting in Dallas. After months and months of applying and searching for a job God has given me one that I am very excited about. Thank you to all those prayer warriors out there that prayed with me through these last few months. I am very grateful!!

I am just in awe of the faithfulness of my God. Like it says in Luke 16 "Whoever can be trusted with little can also much trusted with much..." I have seen this become reality in my own life. I have not been perfect by any means but have just tired my best to honor and glorify The Lord with my life. I believe deciding to stay in Fort Worth (which was only possible by God's grace) was the start of God doing some amazing things. This allowed me to then trust enough to deal with and process through some past hurts. I decided to become a member of a church I didn't think I would come back to. My next step was to make sure I was continuing with my life long training and so I committed to The Antioch Project (a ministry training program through that very same church I became a member of) which I will start in January. I didn't always have the best attitude about my present situation, I was working at Bath and Body Works and living at home (two things that were not on my radar back in May) but I learned more and more what it looks like to live out 1 Corinthians 10:31 with a right attitude.

I have prayed many prayers over the last seven months, not all of them I have gotten an answer for yet but one I have: I prayed that God would give me a job by the end of the year and His timing is perfect December 11, 2013 I got my offer letter. It is so amazing to see the God of the Universe work in our small lives and give us our hearts desires. He could have waiting until January 1st to give me a job and He still would have been praised.

I truly believe that my new job is a blessing and reward from Jesus for being faithful, available and teachable! I knew that staying positive and trusting who was in control of my life was going to be better in eternity than worrying and doubting the place God had me in.

There is only one name that I can give all the praise to for helping me through these last seven months and that is Jesus Christ. I am so incredibly blessed and can not wait to start my new job!!

11-08-1989

God has done some really wonderful and unexpected things in my 23rd year. There is so much to be thankful for. 

I helped to present my capstone project at the end of April

Attended college with my sister for one year

Learned how to and how not to resolve conflict

I survived and graduated from college in May

I made some really hard decisions about where to live

I worked retail with a college degree

I became a member of my church and got more involved

Moved back in with my parents

Attended my first Hope Global Network Wisdom Conference

And I could probably go on and on.

I am extremely grateful to be given another year of life to glorify my Creator and love those around me that He places in my path. Thank you everyone for celebrating and loving me in return.

I am Blessed

Make the Choice

"He produces the change, but we must make the choice (pg 23)." 

From Changing Your Thought Patterns by George Sanchez

This 27 page pamphlet is an amazing tool in learning how to "be transformed be the renewing of your mind" (Romans 12:2). It was given to me during my first Growth Group meeting this last Monday. This semester we are going to be talking about Defeating the Enemy Within and the first place we started was with our thoughts. 

Sanchez talks about how we as Christians resort to prayer when would like to change our attitude hoping that enough prayer will cause the change. He says "After we pray, somehow something is suppose to happen and our attitudes change. We may not say it that way, but there is the implication that some mystical process takes place and attitudes change when a person reads the Bible or prays (pg 7)." 

I am really humbled in reading this because I am guilty as all get out of this. I have come before The Lord with something that I want to make a change in... a habit or desire as well as my thoughts and I pray. I ask Jesus for the ability to make these things different but there have been times when I do not take the responsibility that I need to in order to make the change occur in my life.

This little book has given me a different way to think about thought replacement. Sanchez uses the illustration of putting up a dam to not just stop the old thought patterns but to then redirect them. "We should not just suppress thoughts, we should redirect them. We should change negative thought patterns into positive thought patterns (pg 10-11)." An example from Ephesians 4 is given, how does a thief stop being a thief... the thief is instructed to get a job and earn money honestly then also give to others in need.

To change these thoughts patterns we must do two things:

1) We must build the dam (refuse to allow wrong thoughts)

2) We must redirect the flow (develop a new way of thinking)

I can go to God in meditation and fervent prayer with everything I want to change but if I am not going to make it a matter of the will and act on these desires to change my thoughts then what good will come of it?? I need to be doing what I know is right and making good choices so that God (the power source) will energizes me to act out these right choices. 

God has called his children to "Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Philippians 4:8 (NLT) and when God says his children are to do something, it is never a question of "can't" but "won't." I have dealt with this over and over again in my life. I can't love this person because of what they have done to me... I can't forgive that... I can't change who I am... "The issue is not "can't" but "won't" (pg 19)." I am completely guilty of this! I sometimes won't make the right choices that will lead to a change in my thought patterns even though I have the power source living inside me to do so. 

Are you not only taking your thoughts captive but also developing a new way of thinking to replace them?? 

If you have never read Changing you Thought Patterns by George Sanchez you can get a copy from navpress.com and check it out for yourself!!

My Words

I enjoy the Internet!

Facetime and Skype are the greatest inventions!

I love blogging (even though I have not been keeping up lately)

I am a fan of Facebook!

I enjoy using Instagram!

I say all of this because of the connection that these avenues give you to others. I have friends overseas, on the west coast, and everywhere in between. All of these help us know and see those people who are not just a phone call or car ride away. I am able to keep them as a part of my life because there are now faster ways to do so. I still think snail mail and fun messages are great but I like seeing and hearing my friends.  

On the Dashboard page of my blog there is a place to look at your pageviews stats. Since I started my blog a few years ago it has been viewed by someone outside of the United States OVER 300 TIMES! Now in the grand scheme of things that is not a lot and compared to other people that might be minuscule but I thought it was so fun! Some of these people I know, some of them I have no idea but it is just the thought that my blog has made it across the world is SO fun!

There are people in Russia who have looked at my blog over 100 times, in Germany over 80 times, my friends in Cambodia have seen it and as well as many other countries. This is not a huge revelation but it is just amazing to think of the people I am reaching with my words!

Fort Worth

So much has changed for me over the last two months and I want to share that with you all. This is an entry from my journal on June 15th.

I have been in Fort Worth for 34 days and besides still living with my parents and not having an engineering job it is starting to feel normal (in the community sense). I am babysitting for different families, spending time with friends, serving at Hope and involved in a Growth Group . For the time being I live here... I am getting comfortable here and there is a part of me that could see myself staying here (weird thought). Lord, I need your guidance, if the enemy is trying to distact me from what you want for me I pray in the name of Jesus Christ that you wil bind him and remove those unhelpful thoughts. I just ask that you continue to point me in the right direction. Amen.

This was a huge revelation for me. I had made the decision back in February that I was moving to California. I didn't want to live in Fort Worth again. When I left after high school I never thought I would be back. Why was this even a thought? What is God trying to say to me? I wasn't really sure what to do with this new thought that Fort Worth really is an option for me. But for some reason I could not shake it. I made time to talk with two older ladies at Hope that could help me process through as well as one of my best friends. I was given a lot of great things to think through: What was the motivation for going out to Cali, what emotions would I be taking out to Cali, Do I need to stay?? 

I have never thought of moving out to California in a "negative" light... Not that is was a bad thing but just that Fort Worth might have different things to offer me than I thought. I prayed, process and finally realized that I had some things that I needed to work on here in Fort Worth before I went out and I could get some amazing training opportunities while at Hope Church. So with The Lord's leading I made the decision to stay in Fort Worth instead! I could go on and on into the things that that went into the decision but all that I really need to say is that Jesus wants me here and He is going to do different things in my life, hard good things, that I would not have been able to experience.

Now that is has been a few months since this whole ball got rolling, I am so grateful that I am here. I still do not have an engineering job but I have become a member of Hope Church, in charge of planning a kids event, joined a fall growth group, made some great new friends, learned more and more how to walk with God and trust Him in all circumstances. I am so thankful and amazed by the love and grace of Jesus!!

Limbo

This stage of life... this limbo... Has its positives and of course its hard times. I have a lot to be thankful for right now and I am content with different areas (friends, Hope, free time) but there are more things that I am not content in (living area, job, relationships, money, free time). There is so much that I honestly just don't like thinking about and dealing with even though I have a responsibility to make things happen. Issues that I have not dealt with, that I don't even know how or where to start on at all. I am here in Fort Worth and I know this is right but what am I learning? What is God trying to teach me? So much has happened over the last few weeks... I am not going to California anymore! So what am I doing?? 

That is a good question!

I am not really.... Well...

I am learning to trust God

I am working on contentment

I am working in the nursery at Hope Church

I am working through some different areas of life

I am working at Bath and Body Works

I am living with my Parents

I am helping plan a Hope Church girls event

I am making friends

I am looking for career jobs

That is not doing nothing, all of that is something! 

These are not the things I thought I would be doing if you asked me back in the spring but they are things that are bringing me closer to knowing The Lord and who He is in my life and who I am in Him.