Make the Choice

"He produces the change, but we must make the choice (pg 23)." 

From Changing Your Thought Patterns by George Sanchez

This 27 page pamphlet is an amazing tool in learning how to "be transformed be the renewing of your mind" (Romans 12:2). It was given to me during my first Growth Group meeting this last Monday. This semester we are going to be talking about Defeating the Enemy Within and the first place we started was with our thoughts. 

Sanchez talks about how we as Christians resort to prayer when would like to change our attitude hoping that enough prayer will cause the change. He says "After we pray, somehow something is suppose to happen and our attitudes change. We may not say it that way, but there is the implication that some mystical process takes place and attitudes change when a person reads the Bible or prays (pg 7)." 

I am really humbled in reading this because I am guilty as all get out of this. I have come before The Lord with something that I want to make a change in... a habit or desire as well as my thoughts and I pray. I ask Jesus for the ability to make these things different but there have been times when I do not take the responsibility that I need to in order to make the change occur in my life.

This little book has given me a different way to think about thought replacement. Sanchez uses the illustration of putting up a dam to not just stop the old thought patterns but to then redirect them. "We should not just suppress thoughts, we should redirect them. We should change negative thought patterns into positive thought patterns (pg 10-11)." An example from Ephesians 4 is given, how does a thief stop being a thief... the thief is instructed to get a job and earn money honestly then also give to others in need.

To change these thoughts patterns we must do two things:

1) We must build the dam (refuse to allow wrong thoughts)

2) We must redirect the flow (develop a new way of thinking)

I can go to God in meditation and fervent prayer with everything I want to change but if I am not going to make it a matter of the will and act on these desires to change my thoughts then what good will come of it?? I need to be doing what I know is right and making good choices so that God (the power source) will energizes me to act out these right choices. 

God has called his children to "Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Philippians 4:8 (NLT) and when God says his children are to do something, it is never a question of "can't" but "won't." I have dealt with this over and over again in my life. I can't love this person because of what they have done to me... I can't forgive that... I can't change who I am... "The issue is not "can't" but "won't" (pg 19)." I am completely guilty of this! I sometimes won't make the right choices that will lead to a change in my thought patterns even though I have the power source living inside me to do so. 

Are you not only taking your thoughts captive but also developing a new way of thinking to replace them?? 

If you have never read Changing you Thought Patterns by George Sanchez you can get a copy from navpress.com and check it out for yourself!!

My Words

I enjoy the Internet!

Facetime and Skype are the greatest inventions!

I love blogging (even though I have not been keeping up lately)

I am a fan of Facebook!

I enjoy using Instagram!

I say all of this because of the connection that these avenues give you to others. I have friends overseas, on the west coast, and everywhere in between. All of these help us know and see those people who are not just a phone call or car ride away. I am able to keep them as a part of my life because there are now faster ways to do so. I still think snail mail and fun messages are great but I like seeing and hearing my friends.  

On the Dashboard page of my blog there is a place to look at your pageviews stats. Since I started my blog a few years ago it has been viewed by someone outside of the United States OVER 300 TIMES! Now in the grand scheme of things that is not a lot and compared to other people that might be minuscule but I thought it was so fun! Some of these people I know, some of them I have no idea but it is just the thought that my blog has made it across the world is SO fun!

There are people in Russia who have looked at my blog over 100 times, in Germany over 80 times, my friends in Cambodia have seen it and as well as many other countries. This is not a huge revelation but it is just amazing to think of the people I am reaching with my words!

Fort Worth

So much has changed for me over the last two months and I want to share that with you all. This is an entry from my journal on June 15th.

I have been in Fort Worth for 34 days and besides still living with my parents and not having an engineering job it is starting to feel normal (in the community sense). I am babysitting for different families, spending time with friends, serving at Hope and involved in a Growth Group . For the time being I live here... I am getting comfortable here and there is a part of me that could see myself staying here (weird thought). Lord, I need your guidance, if the enemy is trying to distact me from what you want for me I pray in the name of Jesus Christ that you wil bind him and remove those unhelpful thoughts. I just ask that you continue to point me in the right direction. Amen.

This was a huge revelation for me. I had made the decision back in February that I was moving to California. I didn't want to live in Fort Worth again. When I left after high school I never thought I would be back. Why was this even a thought? What is God trying to say to me? I wasn't really sure what to do with this new thought that Fort Worth really is an option for me. But for some reason I could not shake it. I made time to talk with two older ladies at Hope that could help me process through as well as one of my best friends. I was given a lot of great things to think through: What was the motivation for going out to Cali, what emotions would I be taking out to Cali, Do I need to stay?? 

I have never thought of moving out to California in a "negative" light... Not that is was a bad thing but just that Fort Worth might have different things to offer me than I thought. I prayed, process and finally realized that I had some things that I needed to work on here in Fort Worth before I went out and I could get some amazing training opportunities while at Hope Church. So with The Lord's leading I made the decision to stay in Fort Worth instead! I could go on and on into the things that that went into the decision but all that I really need to say is that Jesus wants me here and He is going to do different things in my life, hard good things, that I would not have been able to experience.

Now that is has been a few months since this whole ball got rolling, I am so grateful that I am here. I still do not have an engineering job but I have become a member of Hope Church, in charge of planning a kids event, joined a fall growth group, made some great new friends, learned more and more how to walk with God and trust Him in all circumstances. I am so thankful and amazed by the love and grace of Jesus!!

Limbo

This stage of life... this limbo... Has its positives and of course its hard times. I have a lot to be thankful for right now and I am content with different areas (friends, Hope, free time) but there are more things that I am not content in (living area, job, relationships, money, free time). There is so much that I honestly just don't like thinking about and dealing with even though I have a responsibility to make things happen. Issues that I have not dealt with, that I don't even know how or where to start on at all. I am here in Fort Worth and I know this is right but what am I learning? What is God trying to teach me? So much has happened over the last few weeks... I am not going to California anymore! So what am I doing?? 

That is a good question!

I am not really.... Well...

I am learning to trust God

I am working on contentment

I am working in the nursery at Hope Church

I am working through some different areas of life

I am working at Bath and Body Works

I am living with my Parents

I am helping plan a Hope Church girls event

I am making friends

I am looking for career jobs

That is not doing nothing, all of that is something! 

These are not the things I thought I would be doing if you asked me back in the spring but they are things that are bringing me closer to knowing The Lord and who He is in my life and who I am in Him.

Half Way There

July First marks half way through the year 2013. 

How crazy is it that we are here already. 

I was just thinking about my goals and how I have done on them so far.

Sadly it is not as positive as I would like. 

1. I was not a diligent on this one once capstone started taking over my life. I have read maybe seven books so far. 

2. I have been trying one this one... I think I am doing better but it is hard when you are both very busy.

3. Unfortunately I am not even sure where this one is due to my move.

4. Finally... Check this one off

5 & 6. I have just failed at so far.

7. Do thank you notes count???

8. Check (kinda)

9. Not even one... Sorry for all the birthdays I have missed!!

10. Check... I am heading to the Gentlemen of the Road Tour in September

This year been really crazy so far! What is the second half of it going to hold!

College = Done

I walked across the stage tonight and finished my 5 year college journey. How weird is that! I am a college graduate and an environmental engineer. I never have to sit in another lecture, worry about studying for finals, go to a lab class, etc again. Why does this feel so unreal then? Why do I feel like I am not ready for this? All I have wanted was to be done with school and now it is here and I don't want it. I am going to miss Norman. I am going to miss the Duffy house. I am going to miss EP. I am going to miss my environmental family and all the friends I have made.

All I can sit here and think about is... Did I make a difference? At the senior recognition dinner for the BSU someone always gives a speech about leaving a legacy on campus and looking back on the people you have impacted. So I sit here and wonder... who did I impact for the Kingdom, who did I help, who is going to remember me as an important person in their life? I can't rattle off name after name of those people but there are many people that have come into my life over the last five years and my prayer is that I have encouraged them, shown grace, and loved them like Jesus. I believe that The Lord used me in ways that I don't even know. So as I leave this town tomorrow as my home and someday return as a visitor I know I have made a difference.

College has been amazing and I am so grateful for the good, the bad, and the ugly that has built me into the women of God I am today. I have learned so much inside and outside the classroom. I have made some of my best friends over the last five years, I have gotten my hear hurt and my ego bruised but I have also learned to heal, I have made colossal mistakes but also sought out forgiveness when needed, I have learned voice control, I have learned that a good long cry is OK, I have learned that asking for help does not make you weak and that Jesus Christ is the only constant in my life. I am so thankful for the different things that The Lord has put in my life and I would not change anything! 

I am not positive of every aspect my future holds. I know 7 things leaving college:

1. I am not the same person I was entering college five years ago

2. I will finally NEED a car

3. God has been faithful to meet me where I am 

4. I am scared

5. I am going to move to California

6. I am excited for what is to come and the next steps Jesus and I will take together

7. I do not have a job yet and will have to work my butt off to get one!

Exhausted

It is 5:42 in the morning and I am up! WHAT THE HECK??? 
Capstone really has messed up my sleeping patterns.
Exhausted does not even begin to cover how I have been feeling... 
With no sleep comes a whirlwind of emotions. 
I don't know if I can sum up the amount of things I am feeling at this point in my life.