SILLY!!

Triangles... Very simple... But can make life so complicated.

This has been one of the most conflict filled months! I know in everything that happens the Lord is teaching me something new (or even something I need to learn again). I just have a hard time seeing it in the moment.

How does this play into the conflict?

The situations that the Lord has allowed into my life in the last month have all involved two other people besides myself... hence the triangle shape. Each corner respresent one of us and the connection we have to each other.

I don't like being in the middle of other people's stuff and this has just been an unfortunate theme that has carried over into a few areas of my life. I have gotten better at conflict resolution since I got to college which is just a blessing from the Lord, for the simple fact that I would have no friends if I had not learned haha. I hate unnessassary conflict, that could be avioded.

What is the Lord trying to teach me through these situations:
1) He is in control of non-believers lives just as much as mine.
2) I must trust and obey; trust and obey.
3) I can't let other control the decisions I make for myself.

I am not upset that these things have happened when I actually sit back and think about how the Lord is going to use them to grow not only myself but my friendships and those involved in those friendships. Even if I am not the one who needs to learn someone is going to benefit, I just have to remember that not everything revolves around myself ;-)
 

 



I will NEVER walk alone

"What are your plans for after graduation?"

"Do you know what you want to do?"

The most FAQ you get as a college senior, and I hate it.

My future is unknown and right now I am OK with that fact.
Since the last post I now have 164 days until I graduate!

I do get nervous when I dwell on the this fact: I am going to be working a 9-5 in less than 6 months. I don't want to think about the fact that I need to be proactive in getting a job.

One: I can and am just being lazy

Two: I don't want to add another TO DO to my already crazy list this semester

Three: I don't really know what I want to do

and Four: It really does make me nervous.

Today at Redeemer they played "Never Once" by Matt Redman during Worship. This song really reminds me that I might get really nervous not knowing but not once have I walked through life on my own. My Lord is going to pull me through this part of my journey too, just like He has in the past.
Here are some of the lyrics:

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

 

I am glad that I have had this fifth year of school (for a few reasons) but ultimately, not in a good way, it has allowed me to put off the inevitable. I have not had to think about what after college will look like because it has not ended yet, but now it is ending!
I have one big fear when it comes to getting done with school and that is: The Lord is going to send me somewhere that I do not want to go, or that is not on my list. This song helps me take that fear to the Lord and trust that He is going to work all things out for me, who loves Him. Because He is faithful! 
Even though I am a very stubborn person and am having a hard time coming to term with the fact that I could stay here in Norman or even head back to Fort Worth, I might not like it at first but I will be fine with it. Knowing that the Lord is in it, it much more important for me in where I end up. I know where I want to end up (West of here: Colorado, California etc) but His ways are higher than my ways and I need to get to a point where I will be ok if "West" is not where God wants me.


The Lord is going to contiune to be faithful in my life and show me where it is that I am going to grow His kingdom best. I will continue to seek Him and His will over mine!!
What does the Lord have for me?? Right now, I do not know. I am holding on to the fact that wherever it is He is going to be right there with me. Pray for me as I contiune to walk in this journey and become proactive as well as make the decision that need to be made.

Anna and Addi

 

This is just a fun post for me because I got to see my God-daughter this yesterday while I was home for Thanksgiving.

I had a blast catching up with Kristen and Devin as well as getting to know Addi! At first she did not know what to think of me. I tell Kristen all the time that Addi isn't sure because of my big glasses.

I am so grateful for the Parks family and the blessing that Kristen has been to me over the years! I am so thankful that she has allowed me to have a role in Addison's life!

 



"One for Addi and two for Aunt Anna"

 

Addi and I both really like to eat and while I was at her GIGI's house, we both bonded over M&Ms and goldfish. She is just a little chub and I am so glad to be in her life! I can't wait for her to grow up and really know who I am. I think she is coming around to me since I was the one who gave her the candy haha

Addi is sharing her goldfish with me!

 

The last time I saw Addison was on her first birthday and in the last three months she has grown up into a little person. I look at her and just get so excited to continue to watch her grow up. I just can't believe that she is getting so big so fast!

 

I am done! LOVE YOU ADDI

Birthday Blues

Every year around this time I go through a fight with myself.... my birthday!

I have a lot of insecurities and doubt when it comes to knowing that people (my friends and family) really do love me. I take what people say and do as well as  don't say and do to me very personal, even if I seem like I don't. I have had so many friends over the years love me one minute and then talk nasty about me the next and this doubt has just followed me. Even now with the friends that I am in college, when my friendship are based on more than just liking the same movie, music, boy etc but are rooted deep in Christ. 

 Ever since I can remember I have always associated how much the Lord and other people love me with the way I get treated me on my birthday. It is not accurate at all but it is how my mind works. This year is no different. As my birthday approaches I find myself thinking about this and wondering where this association comes from. Over this last weekend, while I was at home, I got some great one on one time with my Mother! Through the conversation we had, I learned a lot about myself and came to the realization that a lot of how I view things now stems from the foundations I laid in middle school and high school and not walking with the Lord at the time as well as the influence that my girl friends had on me.

Lessons from Mother
1) I have put God in a box over the years: God is only good if the things in my box happen.
2) God wants to bless and love me in ways that I don't see (outside the box).
3) If everyone else failed me... God is still my hope.
4)My frame of reference is filtered through how I was treated and grew in high school.
5) Habakkuk 3:17-19
"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights."

 It really makes me grateful that I have grown so much in the Lord and the person that He has changed me into is nothing like who I was in high school!! I know that God has a plan for my life and as I contiune to learn from Him and grow, He is going to use the things from my past to benefit others.
The Lord is my hope and even when "everyone" else forgets me, He is still by my side, loving me!