Every year around this time I go through a fight with myself.... my birthday!
I have a lot of insecurities and doubt when it comes to knowing that people (my friends and family) really do love me. I take what people say and do as well as don't say and do to me very personal, even if I seem like I don't. I have had so many friends over the years love me one minute and then talk nasty about me the next and this doubt has just followed me. Even now with the friends that I am in college, when my friendship are based on more than just liking the same movie, music, boy etc but are rooted deep in Christ.
Ever since I can remember I have always associated how much the Lord and other people love me with the way I get treated me on my birthday. It is not accurate at all but it is how my mind works. This year is no different. As my birthday approaches I find myself thinking about this and wondering where this association comes from. Over this last weekend, while I was at home, I got some great one on one time with my Mother! Through the conversation we had, I learned a lot about myself and came to the realization that a lot of how I view things now stems from the foundations I laid in middle school and high school and not walking with the Lord at the time as well as the influence that my girl friends had on me.
Lessons from Mother
1) I have put God in a box over the years: God is only good if the things in my box happen.
2) God wants to bless and love me in ways that I don't see (outside the box).
3) If everyone else failed me... God is still my hope.
4)My frame of reference is filtered through how I was treated and grew in high school.
5) Habakkuk 3:17-19
"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights."
It really makes me grateful that I have grown so much in the Lord and the person that He has changed me into is nothing like who I was in high school!! I know that God has a plan for my life and as I contiune to learn from Him and grow, He is going to use the things from my past to benefit others.
The Lord is my hope and even when "everyone" else forgets me, He is still by my side, loving me!
Ever since I can remember I have always associated how much the Lord and other people love me with the way I get treated me on my birthday. It is not accurate at all but it is how my mind works. This year is no different. As my birthday approaches I find myself thinking about this and wondering where this association comes from. Over this last weekend, while I was at home, I got some great one on one time with my Mother! Through the conversation we had, I learned a lot about myself and came to the realization that a lot of how I view things now stems from the foundations I laid in middle school and high school and not walking with the Lord at the time as well as the influence that my girl friends had on me.
Lessons from Mother
1) I have put God in a box over the years: God is only good if the things in my box happen.
2) God wants to bless and love me in ways that I don't see (outside the box).
3) If everyone else failed me... God is still my hope.
4)My frame of reference is filtered through how I was treated and grew in high school.
5) Habakkuk 3:17-19
"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights."
It really makes me grateful that I have grown so much in the Lord and the person that He has changed me into is nothing like who I was in high school!! I know that God has a plan for my life and as I contiune to learn from Him and grow, He is going to use the things from my past to benefit others.
The Lord is my hope and even when "everyone" else forgets me, He is still by my side, loving me!
No comments:
Post a Comment