God continues to kick my butt... As a follower of Jesus Christ I can always count on Him to get my attention and show me which way to go, what I am suppose to do, what I am not suppose to do and when I am plain wrong.
Usually for me when I am not obeying him, he has to let me know more than once because I can be very hard-headed.
This is one of those "plain wrong" times.
With some of the situations that have happened this school year, I have really taken the wrong outlook. Honestly, I have just held things in and let myself get bitter. Not a very fun characteristic but it is only my doing. I was mad and instead of talking things through and processing through my feelings I just shut up. This year these actions have usually resulted in me taking it out on my sister (because she "always" has to love me).
Over the last month God has used Scripture, sermons, and conversations to try and get me to see that I was being unfair and plain wrong in my unwillingness to forgive. And it worked in the moment, I would be reminded of my sin and look to change. All good in theory but once I got around the person I was mad at or other people who would be willing to hear me gossip I was right back there.
It took me going all the way out to California for Spring Break for my to turn my heart towards what God had been trying to say for what seems like forever. I went to a small group with my very good friend Lindsay and the topic was forgiveness... What a shocker, just what I needed to hear!! This small group consisted of four older women, all married then Linds and I. We just dove right in. I felt so comfortable and just opened up my heart to these ladies that I just meet (having a relationship with Jesus in common can do that to you). I started telling them how I was struggling to forgive those who had not asked for and getting bitter towards them because of it and how God has been showing me over and over what I needed to do and me blatantly refusing to deal with it in the right way. I talked way more than I should have being the guest haha. They were so encouraging, and let me in.
A few things I pierced my heart that night and help me turn towards forgiveness:
A quote from Corrie ten Boom "Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart."
No erase only God's grace.
I must figure out what I think they rob me of, work on forgiving from there.
I was hit like a hammer, finally, I was going to allow the Holy Spirit to work. I had seen my anger and unforgiving heart spill over into other areas of my life (how I spent my time, my thought life etc) and other relationships (ones that had not done anything to wrong me i.e. my sister). I wanted to change that and work towards imitating Christ and the Holy Spirit was going to have to help me do that.
I know that the Holy Spirit is going to have to help me each day forgive (maybe even each hour, it is not a one time thing) and change my bitter heart because I can not do it on my own. I have not done it on my own. Just another part of the daily journey with Jesus and I am extremely grateful to be on it!!
Usually for me when I am not obeying him, he has to let me know more than once because I can be very hard-headed.
This is one of those "plain wrong" times.
With some of the situations that have happened this school year, I have really taken the wrong outlook. Honestly, I have just held things in and let myself get bitter. Not a very fun characteristic but it is only my doing. I was mad and instead of talking things through and processing through my feelings I just shut up. This year these actions have usually resulted in me taking it out on my sister (because she "always" has to love me).
Over the last month God has used Scripture, sermons, and conversations to try and get me to see that I was being unfair and plain wrong in my unwillingness to forgive. And it worked in the moment, I would be reminded of my sin and look to change. All good in theory but once I got around the person I was mad at or other people who would be willing to hear me gossip I was right back there.
It took me going all the way out to California for Spring Break for my to turn my heart towards what God had been trying to say for what seems like forever. I went to a small group with my very good friend Lindsay and the topic was forgiveness... What a shocker, just what I needed to hear!! This small group consisted of four older women, all married then Linds and I. We just dove right in. I felt so comfortable and just opened up my heart to these ladies that I just meet (having a relationship with Jesus in common can do that to you). I started telling them how I was struggling to forgive those who had not asked for and getting bitter towards them because of it and how God has been showing me over and over what I needed to do and me blatantly refusing to deal with it in the right way. I talked way more than I should have being the guest haha. They were so encouraging, and let me in.
A few things I pierced my heart that night and help me turn towards forgiveness:
A quote from Corrie ten Boom "Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart."
No erase only God's grace.
I must figure out what I think they rob me of, work on forgiving from there.
I was hit like a hammer, finally, I was going to allow the Holy Spirit to work. I had seen my anger and unforgiving heart spill over into other areas of my life (how I spent my time, my thought life etc) and other relationships (ones that had not done anything to wrong me i.e. my sister). I wanted to change that and work towards imitating Christ and the Holy Spirit was going to have to help me do that.
I know that the Holy Spirit is going to have to help me each day forgive (maybe even each hour, it is not a one time thing) and change my bitter heart because I can not do it on my own. I have not done it on my own. Just another part of the daily journey with Jesus and I am extremely grateful to be on it!!
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